Disclaimer
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All characters in this story are fictitious.
Resemblances or similarities to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental
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It was a different and an unforgettable week of my life. Things were different when I had just landed in my hometown. The blazing heat was cooking my brain. Too different from the cold winters where I had been for past few months. I had adjusted to the harsh winter and the heat was looking alien although I had spent 26 years of my life here.
I was back to work the very next day. Few felt it strange as if it was a custom to go on a long vacation when you are back from an onsite assignment. It was customary to distribute chocolates. There were many new faces which I had just heard from onsite.
All were fresher’s just out of college.
I walked to one of my best friends’ cubicle to find her missing for a day. But Andy and Raksh were around. They started asking me my onsite experiences and how each person in onsite was. Before this onsite assignment, we had just heard them before and we all shared a common understanding of the team members’ onsite and they all seemed to be very arrogant and somewhat uncomfortable. My experiences with them were nothing but otherwise. They all were very professional and very friendly.
Just as we were talking I saw a smile which just passed by. Smiles don't impress me much, but this smile was bothering me. Before I could react or turn to look around I was swarmed by all my colleagues whom I was seeing after a long time. All had same questions for which I had the answers. But, on question was still wandering in my head but I had no time for it now.
A day passed and the next day I was back in office. I had to share Manu's comp for a day as she was back in office. I saw the same smile again. I ignored it for the day as I got busy with work as I had a few things pending.
It was not the same with me before, where I would stay away from topics which were related to girls/dames. I was not too interested in these topics or girls in particular. Girls were just a variety of Homo sapiens and nothing else for me.
I considered that love was st(c)upid's game. I need to mention that most of my friends, (>60 %) were either in love, married or engaged with the person they loved. Few were stuck somewhere in between, in the clash between their families in this matter.
My room mate and a good friend Murthy and I used to have discussions on this topic at Ottawa. Murthy was in love and believed every person was in it, but most are afraid to admit. My view point was exact opposite and there was nothing called love. Everything was give and take.
All our discussions on this topic would end with Murthy mentioning, you will know when you are in it. And, there was Suds who had failed to convince his love, though they were still good friends now. This topic just popped out and he told me that I had a stiff grip on my life and I need to let it free. He felt I was little too strict on what I wanted and how I tackled things. My parents too had a similar thing to say about me. They always said that I was too practical and needed to be a little softer tackling people. My mom would describe me as "stone-hearted".
This was the week which had failed me in my thoughts. The thoughts, which that had been with me for 26 years; thoughts which were in me without me nourishing it; thoughts that were imbibed subconsciously. My belief that things work only through brain and heart is a slave to brain had been shattered by a smile.
I was in a dilemma, on one end I was sad that my belief was shaken, on other end there was a strange pleasure when I remembered the passing smile. This smile had occupied my mind, cutting me off the mainstream as if we were the only existing ones. The world was such a happy place. I was on cloud 9.
Though I was talking to Raksh, I was mentally not in there. Today, I had decided I shall trace the smile and talk to her. Oh!! There she was. I would not consider her to be beautiful or too good looking but yes she was cute. Or shall I say cutest angel!!
Right then Raksh caught me unaware; he challenged me if I could take her out for coffee. I decided I shall call her the same day, but again caught in confusion decided not to. I decided not to talk to her and the day passed.
Next day early morning I woke up, today I had to call her for coffee; I don’t like to be challenged. I had my hidden motives here, a reason to talk to her. I walked into the office and I was happy today. Raksh again provoked me, “You did not call her out yesterday and you will not do it. I know you cannot!!” I told him to wait till afternoon. We generally go out for coffee around 3 PM and I went out for coffee at 3.00 today. Peter did not join us today as he was busy in some meeting. We came back and I dropped by her desk. Oh!! Her smile would leave me breathless. I had to take some time to start the talk. She had seen me before only as a trainer and maybe she thought that I was a jerk. I had long grayish brown hairs and slim physique. I gathered my courage and asked her if she would come with me for coffee at 4.00 PM. There were lots of things happening in my brain. My adrenaline was rushing through, my brain nerves were fully charged and I was nuts. Not to mention the butterflies in my stomach. I had never done this before. Not that I don’t go out for coffee with other colleagues of the other sex but today was something different. I don’t know how she felt. I have never dared to ask her. Murthy mentioned that I had done what he could not dare to do it for 2 years.
I came back to my desk as I had 30 more minutes and I could use that time to test one of my work items. 3.50 PM Peter dropped by my desk and asked “Had you guys been out for coffee?” I did not want to go out with him now; I have already asked her out in another 10 minutes. I decided to answer with nothing more but a “Yes”.
10 minutes later I again dropped by her desk and we started towards the food court. We went to CCD and there they were, Andy , Raksh and Peter. Oh my god!!!!!!!!
I had never expected all 3 there. I just walked ahead hoping they would not notice me. But, they did notice me. I was embarrassed when Peter stared at me. No one had seen me with a female before this in the campus. I felt that I should have not been there but one cannot change what has happened. I should quote what one of my friends says “Nothing in the world is coincidence. Everything is carefully planned”.
I did not know what to do. Should I ignore them and take her to some other place or should I join them or should I just run away from the scene. I was about to chose the last option, but again I am no quitter. I had taken so much courage to introduce myself to her and call her out for coffee. All would go in vain. All this happened in a matter of few seconds. I had to decide quickly. I continued to walk towards the counter. She refused to have coffee. Not sure if she had changed minds after seeing the three and I was not in shape to force her for one. I bought a black coffee for myself. I never have black coffee but the situation was a bit bitter.
I had nothing to talk as if I were dumb. Words failed to come out. I had never faced such a situation before. But, there is a first for everything. My heartbeat increased and my poor brain did not know what was happening around. I was in a confused state.
I don’t know what was going on inside me. I just walked to the table where Peter, Andy and Raksh were seated. I was cursing my fate, if this was the only place they could find in the campus. Why today?? We sat there and started our regular talk. I could see the teasing smile on their faces. She was confused as to what she was doing there.
Every time I saw the teasing smile I was irritated and felt like pulling my hairs.
Andy had signaled me to go to another table but if I did so, that would convey wrong intentions. My intension for now was to buy her a coffee and know her more. I chose friends very carefully. But now I felt today this was ruined. I wanted to escape; I think I was more worried about what all 3 were thinking about me. This thought was bothering me for whole time I was on that table. I was too confused to decide what I was doing. But, I was sure I was doing nothing wrong. But, I did not know why I felt like escaping the scene like a coward. What wrong had I done? One thing I was sure is Andy, Raksh and Peter would have changed their opinion about me. It could be for good or bad.
I walked back to my cubicle along with her. We were a few paces ahead of the others. I desperately wanted to get back to my desk. I was silent all the way back. She may still think I am a jerk. After coming back I could not concentrate on work for the whole day.
I went back home. I felt that things were different around me. I could not sleep for whole night. I don’t know what I was thinking for whole night. I was restless and puzzled.
I might be wondering why I was so much interested in someone whom I did not know or seen before.
I got up from my bed next morning. I went straight to the salon. I had taken care of my hairs for 6 months and now I am here to get them off me. My parents were forcing me to get them cut, but I was the one who was bent not to do so. I was not sure why I was doing this. I started to office. I was little afraid today to take my bike out. I was not in a right frame of mind to do the riding. I boarded a bus, but for first time I tripped of the bus while boarding. I thought, well I did not take my bike out today.
I was back in office. I dared not to talk to any one. We went out for coffee as always. Andy, the BBC of our team could not keep things in his tummy. He replayed the story in front of Bharat, colored in his regular style. Also, attributed my haircut to yesterdays incident. The worst of what I had feared had happened. Now, Bharat may have changed his opinion about me and slowly all others would.
But, that would not matter until I was sure of what I wanted. All I wanted was to be her good friend for now. I did not want to think further, on what I wanted later out of it.
But, the situation along with my dear friend had given this a different color. I did not invite her again since I did not want her to think wrong about me. But this incident had made me a topic amongst my peers. They could now pull my leg recalling this. I do not know how someone in my place would feel but this incident is one of those, I could laugh on myself, whenever I recollect it.
Some questions still linger in my mind. Will I talk to her again? Will I try to find the reasons for the uneasiness? What does she think about me? Will she ever be my friend? I don’t know for sure if I will call her out again in future but I will surely think on its consequences and situation before I do so. But I cannot explain the reasons for the restlessness. She has to answer the last two. I do not have the courage to ask her these now.
I am now happy that I am back to normal and my beliefs well protected. It was not in love for I can live without her, not infatuation since I can ignore her and not crush as I never craved for her. I am now clear of what I wanted out of it. But are the others? The week, which had made me feel hopeless, weak and how much I want something which I don’t even know what it is. I shall never forget this week.
Who am I? I am a part of you which hides behind a barricade, sheltered by thoughts which impede you from revealing the true feelings.
Author - Anonymous
